How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
