I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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