Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
