how do flat chested girls get laid?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
