Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just invented taco cereal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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