Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
there is puke in my bra ... again
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
