Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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