He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
