Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
