My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
