So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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