I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
