people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
