he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
tell me about the eggs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
