Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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