oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
