Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
