i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
