that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
