Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
