You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
