I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
