Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
