I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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