You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
