Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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