I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
