i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize