Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
