Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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