i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
