DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
