I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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