i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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