I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is Oprah even human
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
