Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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