I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
