Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
