remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
