Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
