So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i believe in u and ur pee
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
