If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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