I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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