I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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