i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
