Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
