I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
