What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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