Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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