R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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