you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
