I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
