i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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