I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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