Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
