I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
