I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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