I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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