Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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