i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
