I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
