I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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