i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dick very happy bro
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
