My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
