I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
