We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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