Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
