if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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