Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
