My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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