My liver just broke up with me...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
